I was diagnosed with depression when I was around 16. For the longest time, I’ve suffered from the attitude of “what’s the point?” Why keep on living? Why try to achieve anything? Why do anything at all? You’re just going to die anyway. This attitude conflicts with my severe fear of death and is just an overall unpleasant and depressing attitude to have. Every time I’d try to do something, be it start working out, writing a book, painting a picture, or just trying to enjoy my life, I’d be bombarded of intrusive thoughts of “why are you doing this? Nothing matters, you’re just going to die anyway.”
Well recently, I came up with something that has helped me push these thoughts away. It’s a pretty simple concept, and it may not work for everyone, but it works for me. Whenever I start to think “why try when you’re just going to die?” I replace the thought with “because it’s my job to live.” When I think of living my life as some duty that I have to fulfill, it just helps for some reason. I don’t believe in God or any sort of higher power, but when I pretend that I was put on this earth with the sole point of living, I just feel better about it. I can do my job (live my life) and when it’s over, I’m done and it’s okay.
The attitude of “what’s the point of doing anything when it has an end?” is a stupid, irrational one. With that logic, why go to work? The work day is just going to be over, so why should I even start it? Why start a new video game or a movie or a book when you know it’s just going to end? Because the journey is enjoyable (or necessary, when it comes to work), that’s why.
This might not work for everyone, like I said. But if I don’t think about it too much, it works for me. Living my life is what I was put on this earth to do, and I’m going to do my best at accomplishing it.
Week 4 of c25k. I’d heard that week 4 is brutal, and they weren’t kidding. I couldn’t even finish the workout the way it was designed. It had 2 periods of jogging for 5 minutes, and even at 4mph, I couldn’t maintain it. During the first 5 minute period I had to step on the side of the treadmill to rest for about 30 seconds because I had an excruciating stitch in my side. The second one I had to cut up into like 3 pieces because I kept getting stitches in my sides and my legs were killing me. This is definitely the hardest I’ve worked since I started. I finished the entire 30 minute workout, but I didn’t do it the way it was structured. I’m thinking I’m going to have to repeat week 3 for the rest of the week and try week 4 again next week.
Continue reading Training for a 5k in 11 Weeks: Week 5
Today was day one of week 3 of c25k and it was brutal. First of all, I have some ingrown toenails or something so my toes have been hurting. Secondly, I forgot my headphones and had to go all the way back home to get them because there was no way I was running without music. This workout consisted of the regular walk/run intervals, but this time the run intervals were longer. The runs switched between 1.5 minutes and 3 minutes.
Continue reading Training for a 5k in 11 Weeks: Week 4
Today was day 1 of week 2 of c25k. It consisted of intervals of running for 1.5 minutes and walking for 2 minutes. This workout was actually quite challenging for me for a few reasons. I did my workout before work today, and I did it fasted (meaning I didn’t eat anything before). I basically got out of bed and went straight to the gym. Normally I can workout fasted and be fine, but every once in a while it makes it hard and this was one of those days. I just didn’t have a lot of energy. I was also unpleasantly hot for some reason. I’m usually pretty warm as I workout, but the gym just seemed hotter today and my body was begging for some air conditioning. I must not have been standing under a fan or something.
Continue reading Training for a 5k in 11 Weeks: Week 3
Today was a lot harder than Friday. First of all, right at the beginning of my workout Pandora decided to stop working. It’s been doing that a lot lately, and it’s so unpleasant to exercise without music. I’ve been meaning to put some backup music on my phone, I’ve just been too lazy and I keep forgetting. Thankfully it started back up after a few minutes.
Continue reading Training for a 5k in 11 weeks: Week 2
A great example of one of the worst liars and con artists of the fat acceptance movement to date.
Source: Ragen’s Elite Eating Disorder and the Rise of Dances with Fat | Dances with Facts
Just wanted to update that I’ve started seriously dieting again, and this time it seems to be sticking. I’ve stuck to my diet for over a week now. I started last Sunday, and it’s now Monday. The scale yesterday was the lowest it’s been since I started last year, and I’m down another belt notch. I am struggling with cravings, especially with cravings of wanting to go out to eat. But for the most part, I am okay. This is how I felt last time, until I went to Tom & Chee and fucked up everything. I think all the delicious, fatty food just sent me into a downward spiral of binging, and I’m doing my best to avoid doing that again.
Continue reading Finally losing weight?
I’ve made the commitment to train for a 5k in November. Specifically, I’m going to run for Out Run Hunger, which is a charity that helps feed hungry families is November and December. I’ve never run a 5k before. I can’t even run 5 straight minutes without dying. But it’s something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time, and I think it’ll help me get fit. I’ve decided to run 3 days per week, strength train 2 days per week, and optionally walk one extra day per week. Tuesday August 18th was my official start date, and it started with strength training as I wanted to run on Monday, Wednesday, Friday. I do the following exercises at the gym:
Continue reading Training for a 5K in 11 weeks: Week 1
This article is going to talk about why the fat acceptance movement is bad. It uses examples of arguments and talking points that many of the people of the movement use. I’ve provided screenshots for each point showing an example of each talking point. If you still don’t believe me that people actually say these things, all you need to do is visit the tumblr blog This Is Thin Privilege. It’s full of whiny assholes that complain about not being able to find cute clothes, being “fat shamed” by doctors telling them they need to lose weight, and other various ridiculous things.
Now before we get started, I want to emphasize that I think body positivity is good. But body positivity is not the same thing as fat acceptance. Body positive means accepting your flaws. QueenSkittlez of reddit says it best:
“I consider myself body positive in that self-acceptance and self-love and being content with things you can’t change are things I advocate. Body positivity is loving your freckles, being okay with not being a natural hourglass or being a 6’2″ woman in a world of shorties. Body positivity can include weight in healthy ranges. Body positivity also means making changes out of love and not hatred. I chose to lose weight because it is my preferred aesthetic, I can still be body positive while making changes. I can dye or alter my hair and be body positive. I can tan or be pale and be body positive. Hell, if I wanted breast implants even though I’m satisfied with my breasts right now but I’d be more satisfied if they were different, that is my choice and I am still body positive. Changing my aesthetic in a way you don’t like doesn’t make me less body positive. Body positivity isn’t about being fat. It’s about loving yourself and your flaws and working to improve yourself and not hate the body you have.”
Now that we’ve got that out of the way, here are ten reasons why the Fat Acceptance movement is harmful.
Continue reading Why Fat Acceptance Is Harmful
I am a person that likes sleep. I like sleep so much, in fact, that I work 32 hours per week at my job even though I’ve been offered 40, just so I can sleep in on Fridays and do whatever I want. I essentially gave up an extra $300 or so per month so I could sleep in (among other things). Despite that fact, despite my total love for sleeping until noon, I got up at 8am today after only 6 hours of sleep with one purpose in mind: to find the Meta Knight amiibo.
Continue reading The Hunt for Amiibo